So I've actually thought of a benefit of being fat!!! With my regained restrictive behaviours I've been questioned by a family member.... "Why are you refusing food so often? You're not anorexic are you?!" to which I replied "Do I look anorexic?!" Reply "Haha! Yeah you're right!" RESULT! I'm under the radar!
On a sadder note my depressive state of mind has been heckling me all day, I'm fat and I'll always be fat, I'm stupid to believe I can actually achieve my goals, I'm weak etc. Unfortunately I believed it for a while and binged :( The positive thing I can take from this day is that I stopped mid binge which is HUGE for me. My total kcal intake for today is just under 1000 which is double what I aim for but is about 1/5 of what I would normally hit when I binge. Its a day of mixed feelings.
Tomorrow should be fun. I'm going to Lightwater Valley the theme park. That means loadsa walking about, little time to eat and I'm preparing my own lunch so I wont have to buy the fast food crap they sell. Also I can pretend sickness from the rides if someone questions my mini meal :)
Thank you so much for the support you guys are sending me, it means more than you can imagine xxxx Also its bizarre to think that you poor souls are reading the crap I mindlessly type!! xxxx
it's sad to hear that your family members aren't too educated with eating disorders, everyone has to start somewhere and even if you are a normal weight it doesn't mean that you're not struggling. I used to joke as well when I first started to notice my ED but now that I'm lighter and people are more scared it upsets me that people could even think about saying that. I hope you have fun at the park! That sounds really awesome, try packing snacks to stay away from the yummy greasy nasty food and only drink water! (you'll save a lot more money than your friends who buy the food there if you need another excuse lolol) stay safe and beautiful!
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